The letter that goes with the will

A letter kept alongside the will — variously called a letter of wishes, a letter of intent, or simply a note — is not binding and is frequently the most useful thing in the file.

What it can do

Explain the reasoning behind decisions that would otherwise be read as a verdict.

Why one child received more. Why a business went to one and not another. Why a charity received a substantial bequest.

The explanation is what converts a decision into something comprehensible.

Guide a trustee's discretion. Where a trust gives a trustee discretion over distributions, the letter tells them what the settlor would have wanted.

A trustee facing a request twenty years later has nothing else to work from.

This is arguably the most valuable use, and it should address what the settlor would fund, what they would not, and how they would weigh competing claims.

Provide practical information. Where things are, who to contact, what obligations exist, how the household runs.

Set out funeral preferences, which belong in a letter rather than in a will, since the will may not be read until after the funeral.

Provide context for a guardian, where children are involved — routines, medical needs, schools, friendships, hopes for their upbringing.

Say the things that are not in the legal documents. Which for many families is what actually matters.

What it cannot do

Worth being clear.

It cannot change the disposition of assets, which is governed by the will and the designations.

It cannot impose binding obligations on a trustee, though a well-drafted trust may direct the trustee to consider it.

It cannot cure a defective will.

And it can be used against the estate in litigation, which is why the tone and content matter.

The tone

The single most important element, and the one most often got wrong.

A letter explaining a decision with warmth is received as an explanation.

A letter cataloguing a person's failings is received as a final attack, and it does lasting damage — sometimes considerably more than the exclusion itself.

Anything critical will be read by the person concerned, repeatedly, and cannot be responded to.

Which argues for restraint: state the decision, give the reason briefly, and say something about the relationship that is true and generous.

The practical points

Keep it separate from the will, so that it does not become part of the probated document and therefore public.

Date it, and replace it when circumstances change rather than amending it.

Refer to it in the will only where the state recognises such references for particular purposes, such as a personal property memorandum.

Otherwise, keeping it entirely separate is cleaner.

Tell the executor and trustee it exists, and where.

Consider separate letters for different audiences — one for the trustee about discretion, one for the family about reasoning, one for a guardian about the children.

Review it when the will is reviewed, since a letter reflecting circumstances from fifteen years ago may do more harm than good.

What people actually write

From the experience of practitioners, the letters that are valued most are not the ones explaining financial decisions.

They are the ones containing something personal: an account of the family's history, what particular objects meant and where they came from, what the person hoped for the people they left behind.

These are read repeatedly and kept for decades, in a way that the will is not.

Which suggests that the letter is worth writing even where there is no unequal division to explain and no discretion to guide.

The version for someone who will not write one

A single page.

Why the arrangements are as they are, in two or three sentences.

Where things are and who to contact.

Something you want to say.

That covers most of the value, and it takes an hour that nobody who has received such a letter would consider wasted.

General information only, not legal advice. Consult a qualified estate attorney about how a letter should relate to your documents.